Photo by Ashkan ForouzaniThe tall doctor strode into the consulting room wearing a surgical mask. Glancing at the junior doctor to his right, he perched on a credenza, and mumbled a question in my direction

‟Sorry doctor, I couldn´t hear what you said,” I said, inexplicably nervous

‟I can do the scope, it´s quick,” he said. ‟What if I find cancer, at your age, what are going to do?”

I stared at his eyes above the mask, for once in my life lost for words - I was stupefied, and horrified

I looked at my wife to my left, then back at the doctor, and stared for a few long seconds. I tried to process the three parts of his question quickly before I responded, but this question couldn´t - and shouldn´t be answered in a hurry

‟What if I find cancer,” there it was, the big C word. I don´t know if there is anything more frightening a doctor can say. There probably is, but for me it is right up there

‟At my age…” I am just past my 3-score-and-ten in years. In today´s world I am still relatively young. But age is relative, I have lived a rich and full life - many people close to me would call it punishing. Four hours sleep a night was par for the course, many years of stressful and often dangerous hard-news journalism in Southern Africa as it transitioned into democracy which was not always peaceful

Alcohol was a raucous refuge with other hacks, PTSD experiences occurred with monotonous regularity, that they happened consistently was the only thing monotonous about them

My 71 years are probably worth more than many others of 90 and older. From being the only English-speaking kid in a rural village primary school where a school outing was a trip to the abattoir, to my parachute not opening on my first sky dive, to having a rifle barrel shoved up my nose when covering a farm murder, to having my skull cracked by a brick hurled at me when covering the 1976 riots, to being arrested in Gaborone when we were not supposed to be in Botswana, and so on

‟If you are walking your mother across the road and she gets knocked over, you would take the picture first,” I qualified to wear that radical definition of a hard-news photographer

Eventually, I realised that I was becoming a ‟callous and insensitive” young man, the excitement was now just ho-hum, and I used alcohol to push away the horrors that visited me more and more. So I left. I took over managing a photographic unit for a PR company. That in itself was traumatic. Although I was still doing photography, the work was polar opposites in nature

‟What are you going to do?” My wife Pat and I had discussed this awkward subject many times once we reached our sixties. Neither of us wants to suffer while medical science tries to prolong our lives

Photo by RDNE Stock ProjectWhen we discussed the subject, it seemed so far away; now it was in my face - the doctor was literally a meter in front of me - and very real
I was able to confidently tell the doctor that having the scope now was not in my interests; there was no other indication in all the tests I had undertaken over the last 4 months. Pat agreed immediately. I have been discharged

From an ADHD point of view, it is advisable to discuss subjects like this - even if you can´t come to a consensus, you have a good idea of what to do should such an event happen to you

Another benefit is that the discussion makes your relationship stronger, as it requires a degree of vulnerability to enter into deciding what should happen in the future

Don´t be blindsided by a future event that you haven´t explored and discussed. You could end up having such a decision made for you by an outsider, like a bank official or a lawyer

PS: Neither Pat nor I can say a single negative thing about my treatment at Helen Joseph Hospital. The medical staff are exceptional in caring for their patients, while the admin staff - with one exception - are not far behind. Unlike private hospitals, the focus is on delivering compassionate care, not on making money.

 Links to Photo Sources

Ashkan Forouzani

RDNE Stock Photo