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- Written by: Dave Pughe-Parry
The antiquated rotary phone - off the hook! Photo by Zedcor Wholly Owned The so-called mobile phone is actually a computer with a phone capability and other wickedly wonderful things that it can do.
For those of you who grew up during the second half of the last century – in other words, when a block-like instrument with a dial face and a headset was in your house – usually in the hallway and the only thing it could do was talk to someone else. It also had only one ring tone.
There were also no computers at that time. You either had to use slide rules or hugely expensive calculators that could solve all those complex mathematical problems, such as how much would you save if you paid an extra 50 Rand off on your house mortgage!
Although we didn't realise how deprived we were, because we thought we were at the cutting edge of technology – and we pretty much were. In fact, if you compare that time to today, we were pretty deprived.
Recently I tried to list all the things I can do on my phone. Every time I thought I had completed the list, I found something new, or something that I hadn't realised I could do!
It's fair to say that the phone dominates our lives. I could leave home without underwear and still have a reasonably good day – maybe a bit uncomfortable, but not unbearably so.
But without my phone, my day would be a complete disaster. I need to be looking at, or interacting with, my phone for much of my working hours. But it is time spent mostly on work issues.
The problem arises when I only have one thing to do on my phone. Let's say checking WhatsApp to see if my client has replied to a question I had posed to them.
Of course, there are other messages and other app icons jumping into my vision while I am doing my one valid thing.
I then get distracted away to the other things. These are not games or mindless scrolling I am talking about. I am triggered to check my emails, write a WhatsApp message, check my bank balance, or even read another chapter of the story I am reading on Kindle!
I don't go shopping much these days; I order mostly online for delivery. It saves me oodles of time. I don't just order from restaurants, I order my groceries and DIY goods online.
These are all valid time-saving activities, but only if I do what I had planned to do. If I get distracted, it's a senseless waste of time.
For most people, the solution to being distracted is simple - have some self-discipline. Actually, strike that. Self-discipline is definitely not simple for ADDers.
Setting alarms for the next day | Photo by Anna TarazevichHere is something you might want to try. It's something I have developed over the years, and it seems to work for most of my clients and for me.
As part of your evening ritual, sit alone. This is an important activity, and you need to concentrate. Open the clock function on your phone. Set alarms for all your known activities where you know the times.
Then set alarms for the "timeless" tasks. These times are not hard and fast because you can move them around. Just know how good it feels when you complete tasks, and they are no longer on your to-do list.
You still need some self-discipline to focus on – and do that one thing you had planned to do. But somehow, this way seems easier to do because you had "planned it!" You don't want to be ashamed of yourself, do you?
Trying out this method, you might find that you have saved as much as a whole hour in your day.
You can use that to do something extra and so get ahead of your plan.
Or you relax and play on your phone.
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- Written by: Dave Pughe-Parry
Photo by Sora Shimazaki on PexelsIntegrity is difficult to write about without sounding judgemental.
I have an uncompromising hatred of judgementalism in any form – especially the way we as ADDers are (mis)judged.
"So why am I writing about integrity," I hear your peeved question?
The reason is not quick or short, but read on please, it is an interesting answer that will bring some clarity.
ADDers often find it exceedingly difficult to act as someone with integrity, even though we can usually be described as "people of integrity."
Integrity means a few things, but probably the most important concept is that of virtue. A virtue is a useful quality. And a quality is part of a person's character.
If we look at the word quality as an adjective, it means that someone or something is superior compared to someone or something else.
Integrity is usually described in human terms as having strong moral principles and being honest. While honesty is usually situational – "he lied about being there," for instance, integrity needs more time and experience of a person before you can say that they are a person of integrity or not.
A person who has integrity is someone who is trustworthy. Trustworthy people are difficult to find in the fast-moving world we live in where people are judged by their assets rather than by their integrity and trustworthiness.
Reading about the actions of billionaires in the world today makes it clear that wealth and integrity are not natural or comfortable bedfellows.
Back to integrity and ADDers. Why do we so often find it difficult to act with integrity?
Three little words. Low. Self. Esteem.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Low self-esteem is to my mind the most damaging consequence of untreated ADHD.
Low self-esteem frequently leads ADDers to decisions based on whether people will like us, sort of, "what do they expect or want me to say?"
Low self-esteem commands enough power to trample all over our integrity, our craving to be liked, to be part of the herd, to be respected, and to be loved is so strong that we will almost do or say anything.
This in turn makes us feel guilty because we 'know' that we have not been true to ourselves and our inherent beliefs.
Ignoring our integrity can start as soon as our tween and teen years, even earlier if parenting is poor or non-existent.
This manifests itself in some ordinary ways.
Substance addiction is probably the most common as it alters your state of mind.
Sleeping around means "love and like" for the female, and commands "respect" for males.
The two consequences I have written about above can have dire life-long consequences in terms of career, relationships, lifestyle and reputation. Addiction can even be fatal.
Other detrimental consequences of low self-esteem (there are no positive consequences) are equally dystopian. Joining up with illegal gangs, becoming homeless, or living a life working in the wrong career, and ultimately living a life of morbid deprivation and loneliness.
Integrity is a learnt quality. A child watching his parents act with integrity is unmatched as a daily lesson.
Doing something with integrity only because it is the right thing to do takes a certain bravery.
When a teenager does something illegal and there is damage to people or property, parents with integrity will report the child to the authorities.
Integrity understands that there "must" be consequences for actions. Low self-esteem says the consequences may be worth it!
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- Written by: Dave Pughe-Parry
Alex McCarthyWay back in the year 2000, I had just started the first of my ADHD support groups—there were rapidly more than one.
Towards the end of that year, we were invited to attend a long-standing ADHD support group based in Simonstown, South Africa, for their next meeting, as they had invited a medical doctor to speak.
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Photo: Maxim TolchinskiyChristmas is usually a time of great tension and drama for people who have ADHD. There, I have said it out loud.
The reasons for this are varied and complex.
The first reason is that it is the holiday season, when most families are together. For the rest of the year, ADDers can avoid family get-togethers.
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- Written by: Dave Pughe-Parry
In the 25-odd years I have been involved in ADHD, the question of excessive diagnoses has been raised periodically.
Trophim Laptev/UnsplashThis is, of course, a good thing; making sure that people who do not qualify to wear the badge aren´t draining away valuable resources and skewing the numbers.
In September of this year (2025), an international conference on preventing overdiagnosis was held at Oxford University. The conference looked at overdiagnosing, especially ‟its harms and impact on individuals’ health, on health care and the practice of medicine, and on society.”From Oxford University
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- Written by: Dave Pughe-Parry
Photo by Ashkan ForouzaniThe tall doctor strode into the consulting room wearing a surgical mask. Glancing at the junior doctor to his right, he perched on a credenza, and mumbled a question in my direction
‟Sorry doctor, I couldn´t hear what you said,” I said, inexplicably nervous
‟I can do the scope, it´s quick,” he said. ‟What if I find cancer, at your age, what are going to do?”
I stared at his eyes above the mask, for once in my life lost for words - I was stupefied, and horrified
I looked at my wife to my left, then back at the doctor, and stared for a few long seconds. I tried to process the three parts of his question quickly before I responded, but this question couldn´t - and shouldn´t be answered in a hurry
‟What if I find cancer,” there it was, the big C word. I don´t know if there is anything more frightening a doctor can say. There probably is, but for me it is right up there
‟At my age…” I am just past my 3-score-and-ten in years. In today´s world I am still relatively young. But age is relative, I have lived a rich and full life - many people close to me would call it punishing. Four hours sleep a night was par for the course, many years of stressful and often dangerous hard-news journalism in Southern Africa as it transitioned into democracy which was not always peaceful
Alcohol was a raucous refuge with other hacks, PTSD experiences occurred with monotonous regularity, that they happened consistently was the only thing monotonous about them
My 71 years are probably worth more than many others of 90 and older. From being the only English-speaking kid in a rural village primary school where a school outing was a trip to the abattoir, to my parachute not opening on my first sky dive, to having a rifle barrel shoved up my nose when covering a farm murder, to having my skull cracked by a brick hurled at me when covering the 1976 riots, to being arrested in Gaborone when we were not supposed to be in Botswana, and so on
Print Edition is long since sold out, the revised pdf version is available now at only R75